“Remember love isn’t impossible, you just have to search on.”
Benji is a third-year Education student at USYD. He likes to hang out with friends and dance, but he also enjoys moments of solitude. More importantly, he wishes to find his own meaning as he searches on through the chapters of his life. (Head to the Gallery to meet him!)
Alison: Hi Benji! Can you tell us about yourself?
Benji: Hey everyone! I’m Benji. I’m 20 years old and I currently reside in Sydney. Just a casual ABC kid studying education at USYD and basically gonna be talking about my topic given by @alichannie.
Alison: So, what does “love” mean to you?
Benji: Okay, now this is a pretty tough one, and broad, too. But I think I’ll keep this within the topic of romantic love – the emotion you experience when with your partner or someone you feel attracted to. We all have our own definition of love and a different way of choosing how we perceive this concept which is heavily dormant in our everyday lives. Though in this epoch of technology and media, we try to find other definitions and messages for us to understand its identity and how it actually feels. However, I don’t think that is possible. We humans can never settle on a concrete or 100% definition of love. Love is a feeling which constantly fluctuates. I believe love is something you have to experience multiple times in order to truly understand what it is and probably only then can you have a firm comprehension of it and maybe find someone who you can spend your life with.
Alison: I agree that there is no standard definition of love. Could you explain more on why you think love is something one has to experience multiple times before developing a deeper understanding of it?
Benji: I think this relates to another important aspect to follow when learning to understand love: to let yourself know that this part of life takes time. A lot of time… Though some people are lucky to find it the first time – don’t worry, I cant relate to that. I believe everyone will find love one day but when it happens will depend on the choices they make and the path they take. But before that, let yourself be guided by time and don’t try to constantly search for love. Perhaps you have to be yourself and be the best you can be in the meantime. The irony with love is that even though it takes time for you to find it, sometimes love comes to you and meets you at the most unexpected time, when you not actively searching for it.
Alison: You sound as if you’ve had a lot of experience. Can you share with us about that?
Benji: My experience with love… Oh boy, that’s gonna be a long one. Before I had my first relationship, I’ve basically had unrequited loves – crushes – and quite a number of them. For most of them, I basically got rejected or knew they didn’t see me in that way. But when I entered my first relationship, it didn’t end well and perhaps I committed to one of the worst mistakes in my life. Although I wasn’t interested in her, I still asked her out and then we started dating. I basically dug myself a hole where I would have to do the break-up in 3 months, which in the end traumatised me, making me feel like someone who just damages relationships and the people who love me. I think this particular experience relates to the fact how people are more in love with the idea of relationships rather than the person they choose to spend time with. Not saying this is everyone but it is present in some of the relationships I’ve seen. They want to be in a relationship more than they genuinely want to be with a person, and that’s what undermines the relationship.
I can expand on this another time but I guess I didn’t know the true meaning of love until one girl made me fall in love with her for like 7 months. There were some rejections before we finally were a thing – if you know who she is, don’t say anything. We had ups and downs and had to do long distance for a few months. Even though we are no longer dating, the times I spent with her, the moments when I got to hold her, were some of the best moments of my life and I will always be thankful for that. Because of her, I truly understand what it means to be loved by someone whom you also love. A reciprocated relationship where the strong feeling of love is mutual. That, for me, is the ideal relationship and something I hope everyone can find. Yes I’m currently single but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy, you can still understand love without being in a relationship. You can be a counsellor to your non-single friends, though I’m warning you, it’s not fun.
Alison: Ha, I happen to know who she is but the audience won’t find out through me. Moving on to my last question, do you think you will find love again?
Benji: That’s definitely possible, we all can find love around us. Like seriously, compatibility is something that can be built or found, it’s not like travelling to another planet. But the main reason people don’t think they can find it is them being too afraid, not having enough courage to take a leap of faith into a new relationship. And fair enough because I’m in that boat, too. We are human and we are scared of things which are above or out of our limits. Another reason is that people haven’t moved on from their previous love and are still stuck in the past. Again this isn’t something entirely negative but again emphasises the fact that moving on takes time and the time period to move on is different for all individuals. In the end, that’s the test the individual must overcome. And then having the courage to start something new.
Remember love isn’t impossible, you just have to search on. Being afraid isn’t a bad thing, learn to accept it. Take your time. And most importantly, be happy even if you find love or not.
Allowing us to be happy with the choices we make is the most important aspect, one we should always to consider while we are alive.
Well, I think that’s the end of my discussion. I hope the people who read this enjoyed it and I apologise if some aspects weren’t clear. You guys can always message me if you want clarification but just don’t expect an instant reply. Benji, out.
Alison: Thanks a lot, Benji, and good luck!
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