My new friend K and I had an intriguing conversation on Insta DM. It started as a brief discussion of Disney Pixar movies, which somehow evolved into faith and life after death. K is a Christian, whereas I’m non-religious. We share contrasting views on death and life after death.
Alison: Why did you become a Christian?
K: I think I always knew in my heart that there is God, but I just didn’t have the spiritual guidance around me. I was raised in a Buddhist household and of course followed Chinese traditions.
Alison: Do you think becoming Christian helped you in life?
K: Yes, I mean I just found so much comfort in it.
Alison: I’m happy to hear that.
K: I had three big scares in my life. The one I had in high school was the worst, I was just in a state of anxiety for days.
Alison: Why? What happened?
K: I was thinking about the possiblity of my approaching death and the fact that my friends believe that life is finite, as in they think we cease to exist after we die, that you just go “poof’.
How can they be so nonchalant about such things? I felt like I was in a factory where everybody mindlessly goes through life knowing that the chopping block would come anyway without worrying about it while I was panicking and trying my best to get out of the conveyor belt.
It still scares me that I will no longer wake up.
Alison: Is this the fear of death or the unknown that comes after it?
K: I don’t mind dying if there is an afterlife with Jesus. It’s not death that scares me but that I cease to exist, or so people say. I want to live on as a spirit with God.
One time (I was out of high school and in junior college) I was with some people I love but I couldn’t eat or breathe. I would just sit there shaking. My friend brought me to church and I reached out to a classmate. And on that very day the pastor talked about the afterlife, the promise that Jesus gave of everlasting life for believers.
Alison: So faith saved you, in a way? By showing you the possibility of life after death, that you wouldn’t just go “poof”?
K: I was skeptical about it at first. I asked the pastor afterwards why he chose to read that particular passage. He said to be honest I didn’t know what to talk about today, it just kinda came to me. And I just knew the right answer came to me at the right moment.
Alison: Aw, that was meant for you.
K: Yes, it was.
It’s one thing for someone to say no it’s okay, you’re not actually going to die “die”, just your body. That wasn’t enough to erase the years of this fabrication that everyone around me believed and willingly accepted but I couldn’t.
I know that a belief is belief for as much as you make it, but I really believe that God is true if there are so many people that come to him in infinite possibilities and ways. It’s not a gimmick or a fix-all mentality because every narrative starts off differently and ended the same.
Alison: That’s very interesting. So, from that moment onwards you started to believe in God? Or did you gradually drift towards Christianity as it can bring you closer to eternal life?
K: I think I always knew but I needed some facts, truth and guidance to His words.
Alison: What are the “facts”?
K: Words from the Bible.
I’ve always felt that there was a higher being out there. I talked to Him naturally but I didn’t know Him. I didn’t know who He really is and what He had to say about what I felt.
And there was something almost Black Mirror about the reality that I was trying my best to live in. But I felt that I was different and I was going nuts because I couldn’t accept it or understand how people could accept their version of a truth that I felt truly, out of bodily uncomfortable with. It was like I wanted to move out of this time bomb and into a tree or something.
I don’t know, maybe I really do have a lot of faith? The idea of an afterlife has become universal. Even if you’re not a believer, I feel like there is some truth in something that has been shared and transcended cultures and civilizations.
Alison: What about practicality? Is the promise of eternal life more of a spiritual comfort, a placebo, or do you believe that it will happen?
K: I think there are things we can’t make sense of. And so, the practicality question is not something a human can definitely answer. It would take someone who has died to tell us the truth. But that’s impossible, that’s where faith comes in.
I think the answer and reality of what happens after death to us and our being are not something we should worry about or argue against. No one knows for real. I mean yes you see life removed and things be still, but there is so much unknown and workings behind it and things we do not see.
It’s God or whoever you call Him, it’s His job to do just that. Faith is itself a placebo effect. As humans, I just don’t think it’s possible for us to prove it.
Alison: Well, after listening to your points, let me share mine.
I’m not scared of death because I think the fact that life is short, gives it meaning. It helps us (those of us that care to think like that) realize we should treasure every moment because the next one could be our last. I believe the brevity of life is there to ensure the value of it, because if life was infinite, there would be no scarcity and life would lose its meaning.
I read from this book, Circe (shoutout to Madeline Miller!), which carries a big message that immortal Greek gods toy with mortals out of sadism and boredom. The gods are stuck in this eternal loop whereas mortals live and die. It seemed nice at first, having to live forever, but you pay the cost of watching the people you love die, and when you have too much time on your hands everything becomes insignificant and pointless. It made me rethink life and mortality and I now accept that one day I will die. I don’t mind disappearing, going “poof” either, because I know I’ve tried to live a good life and I’m happy with what I have made out of my limited time.
K: I see what you mean.
Alison: As for faith, I used to believe in God but I don’t anymore. I completely respect people who do, including you, and I’m happy that you have found your faith.
K: Aw, I’m so sad to hear that. I think for me, this faith that I have grows stronger knowing that others carry it too.
Alison: My faith grew weaker as I saw people around me who believe in God, ’cause I know too many that are hypocritical and selfish.
And the fact that I lost my faith has made me stronger. I believe I can count on myself. I feel more empowered by severing a link to some higher form, if that makes any sense.
K: Yes, it makes sense.
Not that I want to put an obligation on you or anything, but there is a certain insight that I discovered while reading the Bible these past few days.
Here are my points, not for a debate but just as is.
Alison: Go ahead.
K: First, the Jews revolted, repeatedly going against the new way because of a great regression in God’s progress and great suffering. They are the population that suffered the most since the Exodus from Egypt and the Holocaust and some claim that God brought on these tragedies, that He was vengeful and made it happen.
But I think they were out of God’s protection instead, and became the puppets of evil-plagued minds.
Second, I know a lot of people believe that it’s just one’s way or the highway, that “many walk the path that is wide, few walk the path that is narrow”. I think they take it too literally. It’s not to say which denomination is right or wrong, like oh you can’t go to heaven because you’re not this type of Christian. No, what matters is in your hearts and your thoughts and what you choose to do with them. Those hypocrites that you call, so be them because it’s not your job to give verdict on their day of judgement.
Yes, we can be saved and reborn when we devote our faith but that happens every second of the day. You, my friend and sister, don’t forget that.
Alison: Thank you for being so candid. I’m glad that you are guided to the light by your faith.
My conversation with K reminded me to empathize with others. It is important to respect one’s freedom of religion. Thank you for reading this entry and I hope you’ll find your light and meaning in life your own way!
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