This interview covers a subject very close to heart. In mid-2020, my former teacher and close friend, Karen, was diagnosed with sarcoma, a rare and aggressive type of cancer. A year later, this May, she was reunited with her heavenly Father. I have invited Anson and Natalie, who attended secondary school with me and were like sisters to Karen, to join me in a conversation to commemorate her.
Karen as a teacher – a loving and inspiring figure
On our last day of classes in 2015 (end of Form 4 for me and Anson), Karen gifted our class a macaron tower from Paul Lafayette, grand and exquisite as she was. She wrote ‘carpe diem‘ on the board, in her beautiful signature cursive script. With it, she delivered a memorable speech, explaining why seizing the moment/day was her motto. Carpe diem is quite cliché and we’ve seen it on Pinterest a dozen times, but we felt differently about it after Karen shared her insight. She told us how grateful she was for the opportunity to teach such a lovely batch of students, (this worked both ways: we were just as fortunate to have her as our teacher, an inspiring and kind spirit whom we will never forget), and cautioned us of the challenges that lay ahead, whether in academic progression or career development. As we sail on in life, she advised, we must treasure every moment and seize the opportunity to experience each day as if it’s our last.
She reiterated her message at our high school (Form 6) graduation. Karen said opportunity comes to those who are prepared, so we must work hard and equip ourselves, whilst living in the moment. Karen was asked a few questions, one of which was what she wanted to be in the future. When she was a young girl, she would answer ‘flight attendant’ after seeing her mom in high heels. As Karen got older, she realised the sheer number of vulnerable people, so she enrolled into law school, then became a lawyer and educator. She took action to educate students and give professional advice (even taking on pro bono cases). Karen was then asked to choose emojis to represent her students. First, she chose the girl dancing in a red dress – always blooming and flourishing, smart and excels in everything. Second, the sparkle emoji, saying that we have this ‘bling’, constantly shining and beaming, even in the face of adversity. She then added the butterfly emoji, saying that it represents metamorphosis and transformation, just like the beautiful process of growth and maturity that we all go through.
Finally, we asked her, “will you miss us?”
She replied,
Over the years, we continued to witness Karen’s selfless love for her students. In 2019, she spoiled her class (Form 5T, Natalie’s class) with countless presents and souvenirs from all over the world, collected during her travels. At the beginning of the school term, Karen gave a welcoming treat from Lucullus Palmier to each of her students in 5T, encouraging them to “work hard and play hard” for the academic year, and to strive to perform their best at whatever they do. Subsequently, Karen left school for a while to attend the 2019 Annual Conference of the International Bar Association in Seoul. She came back bearing gifts to her students, despite having only been their class mistress for a month.
More importantly, Karen supported her students during the unprecedented and challenging year when Covid first struck. She took the initiative to contact her students, checking on their physical and mental health. She even added a daily wellness check to the school’s online platform, to make sure that the girls were coping well. Karen also organised informal Zoom chats with her class, giving her students an opportunity to bond despite not being able to meet in real life. Those calls provided a source of comfort and emotional support during the dreary days of having online classes, and the overbearing uncertainty of the circumstances.
A walk down memory lane – our high school memories
Alison: I remember the first time we met, it was in the last year of primary school, right?
Anson: Yes! We were only 10 or 11 back then. We walked past each other and you said something really random. We’ve never spoken before but we knew of each other.
Alison: Oh my god, yes! That was so embarrassing. I asked something like you’re Anson, right, I remember as our names are pretty similar, I’m Alison. (*Cringes)
Anson: And I said yes, I know who you are. That was our first brief encounter, until we were allocated to the same class in secondary school. I even remember our Bridging Course days – we were in Group Red and we won two Mickey mouse toys at the closing ceremony!
Alison: What?! I don’t remember. Why did we get the toys?
Anson: We were recognised for being proactive and responsive in class (I assume)…
Alison: Oh, okay. Teacher’s pets. And then we went on to become the prefects of Form 1S. (*Cringes even more) We did everything together at the time, even trivial matters like getting extra chalk or worksheets. Some teachers said we were twins because we always came as a pair.
At our school, classes are shuffled and changed every two years. We had a strong bond, so we hoped that we would be partners again in Form 3.
Anson: And we did! It was fate. We happened to choose the same set of subjects and got into Form 3P. Little did we know that we would be lucky enough not just to be in the same class, but also to meet Karen. She was our English teacher for two years.
Alison: I still remember vividly my first impression of Karen. She wore this bright red (or pink) dress, a silver hairband –
Anson: With a charm on the side, if I remember correctly.
Alison: Yes! She felt so vibrant and glamorous. It wasn’t just her style, it was her whole aura. She seemed like such a happy and radiant person.
I actually met her shortly before you did. We were about to have our first English class, I went out to the corridor and there I saw her. I didn’t recognise Karen but I assumed she was our English teacher as she was heading towards our classroom. I said, ‘hi, are you Ms Lau?’ She gave me her friendly signature smile and answered enthusiastically, ‘yes!’ I felt a bit bad as I was about to ask if I could use the bathroom, but I went ahead with, ‘I’m Alison and I’m in your class, may I use the bathroom before we start?’ If it was any other teacher at our school, they would’ve frowned upon my question or made a sarcastic remark, but Karen was really chill about it and said, ‘yes, of course! See you soon’. I already liked her at that point.
What was your first impression of Karen?
Anson: I haven’t actually seen her before, all I heard was that she was working part-time at our school. [She was teaching and working part-time in law, advising clients and being a mediator, etc.] My first impression of Karen was that she was super bubbly. She seemed like a kind person as well, and of course she turned out to be as kind as, or even kinder than she looked. I also remember her perfume, it was pleasant and fragrant but not overpowering. She always used a microphone to teach, but her voice was always quite soft…
Alison: We struggled so much listening to her. Her ‘s’ sounds were peculiarly prominent, they stood out from the rest of what she said.
Anson: Yes! It was pretty funny. All I could hear were sibilants. Remember her ‘good morning, ladiessss?’
Alison: Absolutely! Unforgettable. Honestly, it still echoes in my mind.
Anson: Our class loved her though, she was always patient with us and was willing to spend extra time explaining something we couldn’t catch in class or whenever we got confused. Karen also brought a lot of textbooks and worksheets to every lesson, she’d carry them with her microphone stacked on top.
Just wondering, do you still have any assignments marked by Karen?
Alison: I’m not sure if I have them anymore, but I do remember some that she assigned to us. One of them was an essay on ‘The Key to Success’. She gave me really insightful and supportive comments, and frankly, boosted my confidence in writing. Another assignment we had was to fill out a worksheet after listening to a TED talk. The speaker was a young woman named Cameron who shared her experience working as an underwear model, her key message was that looks aren’t everything. Now that I think about it, Karen chose an excellent topic. Being teenagers at the time, we were easily influenced by what we saw on social media and blindly followed our celebrity idols. The talk was a really good lesson for us to focus beyond our physical appearance and not to fear judgment by society.
What about you, did you keep any assignments marked by Karen?
Anson: Fortunately, I kept them in a Dropbox folder. In fact, I happened to keep most of my English assessments with her comments as I witnessed a huge improvement in my writing skills (partly because of constant practice in EngLit, partly because of Karen). She was so patient with us and took her time giving feedback tailored to each student. She worked hard for us. But she often took a while to review and return our homework. [We ended up not doing some of the homework at all, we said, ‘she wouldn’t notice anyway’, sh…] This is understandable as she was juggling her concurrent duties as a lawyer, mediator and educator. No one is perfect, and I reckon this flaw only proved that Karen was a grounded person, someone relatable.
More importantly, she felt like a big sister rather than a figure of authority in school. She was very approachable and dependable as a teacher, it was easy to confide in her. Then later we discovered that she used to study at our school. Years after her graduation, she still maintained strong bonds with other alumni and then-current students like us, she really practised her belief of perpetual sisterhood.
Alison: That’s so true. Karen formed meaningful relationships with people across all academic years, she really kept the school spirit alive.
I got to know her better in Form 4 when I joined the school’s mock trial team. If I go back a bit, she was the one who recommended me to try out for the debate team, and I have been competing in debate and mock trial competitions ever since. She was always there to give advice and support me. In a way, she made these intense tournaments less daunting. More importantly, she helped me grow intellectually and emotionally.
Anson: How can I forget that? When you went away for a week for a mock trial competition, I sat alone and had to cover all class prefect duties.
Alison: Oops, sorry. (*Laughs)
Anson: And before you left, you practised for your role as a widow [one of the Prosecution witnesses] every day and forced me to listen (to you cry) and give feedback on your performance.
Alison: Good times. Thanks for being so patient with me.
Anson: During those two years when Karen taught us, I think we really got to see her friendly and approachable nature. There seemed to be no barrier between us. Do you remember how she loved to walk over to our seats, put her elbows on our desks, and chat with us? We’d laugh and talk about everything. There was no clearly defined topic or limit, perhaps that’s why I can’t recall any conversation in detail. They were all just fun and stress-relieving. Even after 6 years, the profile photo of our class chat is still a group photo of us and her, with the macaron tower she gave us on our last day of Form 4. She was not our class mistress, but she really meant a lot to us.
Alison: She really did, and still does. Another thing I love about her is how she remembered our birthdays! She would give me blessings (and a different lipstick each year, which she knew I loved), and never failed to inspire me with her words. She was an amazing teacher for our class, and an even better friend.
Anson: Yes, she’s the sweetest! I believe that when someone remembers your birthday, you must mean something to them.
Her kindness doesn’t just stop at the people she knows, but it extends to everyone. I remember when I was the violinist for our school’s Alumni Choir, she was one of the choir members. Most of the other singers were a lot older and it was a bit awkward for our small ensemble group (given that all of us were current students at the time). Karen made us feel more comfortable and welcomed at the place. She would ask us how we were and chat with us, especially during late night practices after 9pm. One time, it was raining heavily after a performance, she had no obligation to, but she chose to escort us one by one to the nearest shopping mall. Karen made sure we were all safe before she left.
Alison: She truly is a beautiful soul. I’m glad she was there to look out for you and the rest of the team!
Speaking of which, Karen was incredibly kind to me and all the debate and mock trial teams I had. Karen never hesitated to reach out and guide us as we prepared for competitions. She would also help us establish connections with professionals in the legal field, to pave our career paths. Above all, she held the team together when we struggled. Karen never criticised us if we lost a round. Instead, she would give advice as we reflected over a nice dinner. She was a source of empowerment.
What about you, Natalie? How did you first meet Karen, and become best friends with Anson?
Natalie: Oh wow, where should I start… Perhaps I’ll just talk briefly about the latter, and continue in depth with the former. Anson and I have been best friends since 2016, she is 3 years older than me, so I have always treated her as my non-biological big sister. We first met in the same religious group during our secondary school years, and for some reason, we just clicked. We always had the same ideas in mind, and spoke the same words at the same time. Our friendship deepened as we shared tears of joy and sadness. (*Turns to Anson) Remember when I used to wait outside your classroom almost every day after school, and we would stroll around Causeway Bay to find the best places for tea? We were just like those typical foodies, haha.
Anson: Aw yeah, those were the days, I miss them so much! And how can I forget the times we revised together at the nearest library after school? But I must say, if it wasn’t for your support back then, I wouldn’t have made it through DSE. So I’m always grateful to have you by my side all these years, like seriously. I remembered we used to explore the most photogenic spots in Hong Kong and go on the best staycations too. And we always love to prepare sweet surprises for others. We call ourselves “50+50” cause you’ll always do the drawing and designing while I’ll do the words and video editing, etc. We did experience something nasty together though, remember the tough days when we had hand-foot-mouth disease?
Natalie: Yes of course… The pain was unbearable but in saying that, I guess nothing was comparable to what Karen experienced last year.
Karen was actually my form teacher in 2019 when I was in Form 5. Prior to that, she didn’t look too unfamiliar to me whenever I occasionally bumped into her during my junior years. She always wore a charming smile on her face, and appeared to be nice and kind hearted. And being fortunate enough to have her as my class mistress proved right my impression of her. On our first day of school, when we barely knew one another, Karen had already prepared for the school term by setting up a virtual classroom for easy communication and organisation. She then sent a supportive message through the internal school platform. Upon receiving it, the content and tone of the message just felt so welcoming. I believed Karen to be one of the nicest teachers I could ask for. Later on, I learned that she was a very busy individual with a fully packed schedule – an extremely capable person – able to juggle her tasks and duties as a lawyer and teacher at the same time.
Alison: Karen was so kind and caring, we were all super lucky to have known her and been her students. I really look up to her as well. Like you said, she had so much on her plate but she could still handle everything. Karen attended a law conference in Seoul that school year, right? So she was away for a while?
Natalie: Yes, despite the fact that she had to leave our class for a while, she kept us all in her heart. I recall vividly by the time she returned to Hong Kong in September, she bought each of us a souvenir from Seoul – a cartoon themed folder. She even shared a photo of the entire souvenir collection she got for us with me and Anson. I still remember clearly that the souvenirs were all nicely displayed on her hotel bed. I was amazed at her kindness and love for us, given that she had just been our class mistress for a month and we weren’t even that close.
Alison: This is such a sweet memory, thank you for sharing.
Natalie: There was another time when Karen led her team for a mock trial competition in San Francisco in November 2019. Before she left, she asked our class what souvenir we wanted. One of my classmates said she would like chocolates from a brand starting with the letter “G”. Most classmates were murmuring in their seats and guessing if it’s Godiva, but Karen was the only one who got it right – Ghirardelli. And of course, as promised, Karen bought us that chocolate, in addition to a big box of Jelly Belly, which was a special edition from San Francisco. Karen was really the sweetest, she just spoiled us so much!
Alison: Ah, Ghirardelli! Really brings back memories. Karen was the one who introduced me to this brand, and we visited the store in San Francisco in 2015.
Natalie: What’s more, at our school’s annual Christmas party, Karen bought a special cake and several coupons from different famous Hong Kong brands as gifts for a lucky draw. I saw Karen as Santa Claus at first, someone who loved to give out presents and make us happy. Later on, I realised that there was more to Karen. Her love went far beyond material gifts, she spent time and effort supporting us spiritually, guiding us through tough times.
In 2019, we were in an unprecedented time of Covid. Honestly, it wasn’t easy for us to handle school work from home, amongst many other things, and we didn’t have a chance to meet our friends and teachers. But Karen took the initiative to reach out to us, checking to see if we all were doing okay. She even made a daily wellness check on the school’s online platform, and actively organised informal Zoom chats with us, just to see how we were doing.
Alison: She was a wonderful teacher, always doing extra for her students. I’m glad you had her as your class mistress in 2019.
Natalie: Just wanted to share one more thing. Back in Form 5, we were not allowed to make class tees. But as we stepped into the final years of secondary school, our class wanted to have something signature and remarkable to symbolise our memories. Karen knew us so well, she thought of an alternative so that we could make something symbolic without breaking school rules. She said we could make custom stickers that represent our class instead. We ended up using her favourite shade of pink as the base colour.
Alison: That’s so sweet! Sounds like Karen as well, smart enough to find an alternative and generous enough to help her students.
Do you recall the lessons when Karen was your teacher?
Natalie: To be honest, I can’t recall much as we only had 2 lessons with Karen per cycle, she only taught us one subject: IELTS English. But very recently, when I was cleaning my room, I found the teaching materials that Karen had prepared for us – piles of IELTS worksheets and past papers. I was surprised to realise that I have kept them all, but they reminded me of just how hardworking Karen was, and how committed she was to do her best in every task.
Alison: That’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Natalie.
The above is an account of our fond memories of Karen when we were in secondary school. They may seem like trivial and ordinary moments, but they hold immense value for us. The following dialogue documents a twist of fate, a turning point in Karen’s life, which made an everlasting impact on ours.
Karen’s dance with sarcoma – through Anson and Natalie’s lens
On 9 June 2020, Anson saw Karen post a photo of herself with her hair cut short (she used to have a signature glorious, long and wavy hair). At that point, Anson already had a gut feeling that something went wrong, worried that Karen was sick (which she was). Anson saw people commenting on Karen’s photo about how they love her new, chic style, and Karen replied, with absolutely no indication of sadness or pain, thanking them all with her usual enthusiasm. Seeing all these innocent comments coupled with Karen’s responses, Anson felt extremely uncomfortable. She thought she was not in the position to directly inquire as to Karen’s situation, so she asked me instead as I was closer to Karen at the time. I didn’t know about Karen’s situation yet, but Anson’s question prompted me to ask. Then I received the terrible news that Karen had been diagnosed with stage 4 sarcoma. I didn’t know how to react, I was shocked and heartbroken. Then I questioned why life was so cruel and unfair. As you have seen from the above, Karen had only ever been kind and generous. She should have been rewarded with the best things in the world, but she ended up having to battle a rare and aggressive type of cancer.
(Karen didn’t call it a ‘battle’, she called it a ‘dance’, a ‘conversation’. You’ll witness her admirable, almost surreal, attitude for the next year in the following account. I doubt anyone in the same situation would have had the same hopeful and resilient mindset. This is something unique to Karen, something we should all learn from.)
Alison: Natalie, how did you feel when you first got the news of Karen’s diagnosis?
Natalie: When I learned this daunting news, I thought hard for any clues of Karen’s condition when she was my form teacher. Then I remembered how she would cough during class, and took an occasional sick leave. But that was it, I never imagined something this serious could have happened. Then one day, during an informal Zoom chat in 2019, she mentioned to our class that her cough worsened and she was worried that she had contracted Covid. I never, ever, would have thought that she was actually suffering from sarcoma, something much more deadly than Covid.
Alison: That’s why the diagnosis was so surreal, right? It was difficult, almost impossible, to accept.
Natalie: Yes… We had been taking our classes online from 3 Jan to 18 April until usual school finally resumed in late May, 2020. Karen also returned to school, and we had classes as usual, but we didn’t seem to notice anything different. A week later, Karen stopped coming to school. She never mentioned anything to us until we were told that our class mistress would be away from school for a while. Tragically, “a while” turned out to be “forever” in disguise. She then posted a selfie with her hair cut short, and she looked so pale. My classmates and I speculated that something serious had happened, but we hoped we were overthinking.
Anson: I even remember the exact moment I saw Karen’s selfie. I already felt that something was wrong then. Seeing the comments of other people on the post made me feel worse, and I wasn’t sure why, perhaps I knew subconsciously that Karen was just putting on a brave face, as if there was nothing going on. My gut feeling was so strong, but I was trying so hard not to think of the worst, I didn’t know what I would do if that was actually happening to someone I knew. I asked Natalie if she knew anything as Karen was her class teacher, but she did not. So I turned to Alison, who was close with Karen, but she had no knowledge of it either.
Natalie: It was just a few months ago when Karen and I became close, when she finally revealed why she never told us the real reason she left school. She said she was still digesting the fact at the time, finding it hard to accept the diagnosis. She didn’t want to be selfish by having us worry about her when she hadn’t even come to terms with the news, so she kept it to herself. Whenever I think back to the last day we saw her at school, I can’t believe the ‘goodbye and thank you Ms Lau’ that we said was the last time we ever said it. I can’t even describe my emotions thinking about that right now, I know what I’m feeling, but I’m at a loss for words.
Alison: This is heartbreaking, none of us could have predicted it to happen. Thank you for being so brave and sharing the memories so candidly.
In spite of the fear or helplessness that Karen must have felt when she was first diagnosed, she never complained about her situation. I also noticed how she called her experience a ‘dance’ or ‘journey’ with sarcoma rather than a ‘battle’. Why is that?
Anson: Karen said she chose the word ‘dance’ as she didn’t see sarcoma as her enemy. She wanted to ‘befriend’ the cancer, to dance and converse with it, to naturally and gradually live with it. She chose to embrace, rather than to fight.
Alison: It’s a wonderful idea. I admire Karen’s ability to be creative and positive even in the darkest hours. She then incorporated the concept of ‘dance’ into @dancingwithsarcoma (an Instagram account documenting her healing process and supporting other cancer warriors). It was made to spread one message – be the light, be the inspiration. Each post radiated love, optimism and joy. Even in her situation, Karen found ways to see a glass half-full. She celebrated the little things in life to cope with her treatment process. For example, she embraced her hair loss from chemotherapy by displaying different styles of wigs and head scarves. Karen showed her natural beauty to everyone, and even called herself a ‘kiwi head’ and a ‘military woman’.
Anson: Yes! In fact, it was not until I saw this account, which was public, that I plucked up my courage to reach out to Karen. Upon seeing the post announcing Karen’s recent diagnosis, my mind went blank and it fell into a state of denial. As a physiotherapy student, of course I knew what stage 4 meant, but I asked a close friend if there was a fifth stage for cancer.
Alison: I understand… It was so shocking and surreal. For me, the exact feeling after I learned of Karen’s diagnosis was something I couldn’t put into words. I still can’t, and will never be able to.
Anson: Can you imagine how she felt at the time? We can’t put our shock and sadness into words, let alone Karen. If she felt it at the time, she didn’t show it that much. I was amazed when she described her toxic medication as ‘Fanta cocktail’ and other mundane substances, but my heart also ached for her. At that point, I knew I had to do something for her. I thought hard each day about what I could do, given that we were in different countries. Then one day she mentioned that she needed to relearn how to walk and redevelop her motor skills. As I have experience in this field, I got an idea of how I could help her. I took some videos demonstrating how to use crutches properly, how to get up and sit down safely. I also taught her some exercises to activate the small muscles in her hands so that she could type more easily. Karen told me that she got much better after following my instructions. She expressed a deep gratitude for what I did, but deep down I knew that was the least I could do.
Alison: You did amazing, I’m so glad you were there to help Karen! Personally, I felt guilty that there wasn’t much I could do for her, not practically at least. I just made sure to send her messages from time to time, letting her know that she always had my (and other students’) support. On 5 February this year, Karen shared her Instagram account to a group chat with me, Celina and herself, asking if Celina and I had any advice on increasing the exposure of @dancingwithsarcoma (for her to spread the positive message and let other cancer warriors know that they are not alone). Then I had an idea of making a website for her, to document her journey and raise awareness of sarcoma. Unfortunately, I could only collaborate with her long enough to finish the Prologue and Contact Us pages. We couldn’t upload the individual blog posts in time.
Anson: No, don’t feel guilty! You did something really important and meaningful. It helps raise awareness, and more importantly, I’m sure this is what Karen wanted. And I’m so glad you did it at last. All of us did what we could for Karen, but these are incomparable to what she did for us all these years.
Alison: That’s so true. Speaking of dedications to Karen, I was really happy and grateful to see how loved she was. Different people made different contributions. For example, Celina played a few songs on the piano for Karen to listen to for comfort and motivation, another student from our school baked Karen’s favourite type of bread for her, someone else also wrote a song for Karen, etc. Above all, I think what you and Natalie did was the most significant. I know how much time you spent on calls with Karen, talking to her and being there for her, especially through the toughest times of her treatment. Thank you for that.
Anson: Looking back, the transition from Karen being my former teacher to family, a person that feels like home, within four months, feels surreal. What you said about the website also reminded me of an account that I made with Karen and Natalie, which we planned to use to share moments of our daily lives and sisterhood. I never thought that by the time we made our first post, Karen was already soaring with angels. Now the account has become a platform for Natalie and I to commemorate her by writing letters, believing that she will see them from above.
Natalie: Neither did I expect this to happen, especially when she was still my form teacher just a year ago. And very recently, I was flipping through my Form 5 handbook and saw the ‘Ms K Lau’ that I wrote in the space for ‘Form Teacher’. It felt so surreal. But as Anson said, whenever we miss her, we will make short videos, incorporating her voice messages and photos, to commemorate her on our shared account. I hope she’ll love them.
Alison: I’m sure she does. Your shared account is beautiful, and so full of memory. Karen must be glad to see how much you love her.
While we are on the topic of contribution and commemoration, Anson texted me in February this year to ask if I wanted to help her and Natalie organise a surprise on Zoom for Karen. It involved three classes of students (two past and one present). We went ahead with the plan and the surprise was very successful. What moved me and Anson deeply was the fact that most of our classmates from our former class, Form 3P/4P, attended the call. They responded to our message in the group chat readily within 24 hours, saying ‘yes’ to the surprise, and showed up despite being in different timezones. (The class chat had been silent for 6 years since we moved on to Form 5 in 2015). Some girls were in the UK and they were up at 5am to join the call. When Anson and I saw all the familiar faces and names pop up on the screen, we were grateful beyond measure. Seeing Karen’s surprise and joy took this sentiment to another level.
Another big surprise was successfully held. Anson and Natalie rounded up over a hundred of Karen’s friends (including those from childhood, school, law, mediation and arbitration, as well as both former and current students) to film a short video to support Karen. They planned for it to be an anniversary gift (a year of battle with sarcoma) on 22 May, but upon seeing Karen’s deterioration, they needed to speed up the production process. Everyone submitted their parts promptly and it really showed how much they cared. Anson and Natalie asked Karen’s family to play her the video while she was at the hospital, a few days before she passed on 9 May. Thankfully, the video was made and presented in time.
Natalie: I remember that Anson asked me first, if I could join her and Karen in a Zoom call. At the time, we were not particularly close with Karen, but me and Anson were already best friends. I have to admit, I felt a bit awkward at first, given that Karen was still my class teacher the last time I saw her, so I asked Anson if I could invite a friend of mine to join as well. And it so happened that all three of us were taught by Karen in different years. Since she hadn’t been back to school for a while, we thought she must have missed us. So we came up with the idea of combining all 3 classes across different forms to give her a big Zoom surprise. But I never would have thought that this simple act of empathy would pave the way for me to get so close to her, and eventually become the hardest goodbye I’ve ever have said.
Alison: The Zoom surprise was a great idea, it made Karen so happy! I remember she was in tears when she saw all of us on the call. Thank you for hosting the meeting.
Just out of curiosity, how did the two of you and Karen become like sisters within a few short months?
Anson: Honestly, Karen opened up to me first. Just before the Zoom surprise, I started speaking to Karen more frequently because I wanted to care for her given her situation, such as by asking about her treatment process and if the videos I sent her were helpful. One morning, I received some messages at 7AM (Sydney time), and I wondered who sent them as my UK and Hong Kong friends don’t normally text me at such an early/late time. It turned out to be Karen and I wondered why she’d reply at 4AM (Hong Kong time). I don’t know why, but I already felt that those messages were extraordinarily precious, they seemed like something I must treasure within a limited time, so I chose to check them even when I was barely awake. To my surprise, she recorded a 10-minute voice message detailing the first day she discovered her cancer up till the day she sent the audio. And for the first time upon hearing her personal account, I cried. She said she was up early as she had to prepare for radiotherapy that day. I was really touched by how much she trusted me and opened up to me, and ever since, I have gradually talked to her more and spent more time with her. When she explained how the tumours spread in her body, the impact of listening to these words come from herself was overwhelming. It’s like those medical terms and devastating scans that I used to learn from the case studies in university (which I often found to be foreign and distant, or even fictional – cases made up by professors), was actually happening to someone I know, it honestly didn’t feel good. While I was thankful that she trusted me with her condition, I was also terrified for her (even though she didn’t really show her fear, or at least tried to downplay the dread so that she wouldn’t affect me). What felt worse was the fact that she was someone I personally know and admire. This kind of sharing from a stranger is impactful enough, but when it comes from someone you know, let alone someone close, the effect is so much greater.
Alison: The impact is so strong. Like you said, what we normally feel when we hear a stranger’s account is just empathy. But when it comes from a friend, it really hits hard. Thank you for opening up and sharing with me as well.
Anson: Sadly, that wasn’t the worst of all. Not long after the 10-minute audio, I received a strange message. Karen said, ‘Tell you a secret, but can you stand crazy stress and pressure? What’s your adversity tolerance level? Because I care and love you loads, dear sis, I cannot be selfish.’ I told her to just share with me, but I was never prepared for the news. She said, ‘Doc said I have around six months again… just last Wed.’ I couldn’t put all my emotions into words, my hands and feet went cold. I didn’t reply to her immediately. I went to check my university school calendar, seeing if I could make it back to Hong Kong in time to see her again. Apparently, I couldn’t, due to my packed placement schedule. That was the most daunting feeling that I’ve ever had – knowing that you probably have already seen a person for one last time. It also reminded me of a souvenir from a concert by a pop star we both loved, Joey Yung, that Karen got me earlier in 2019.
Alison: How did it remind you of the souvenir?
Anson: We have always known that we both liked Joey Yung. In 2019, I was studying in Sydney, so I couldn’t attend the Pretty Crazy concert. I replied to Karen’s Instagram story that I was envious of her as she got to go, and I mentioned that I really wanted the AirPod case (the souvenir). She didn’t answer me instantly, but three hours later, she sent me this photo, with a few words, ‘Got it for youuuuuu!!! Give me a shout where you’re back’.
I was so happy, like on cloud nine, seriously. I asked my friends and family to help me get the case but no one succeeded because it was sold out quickly as there was limited stock. But Karen managed to get one for me, and it was a big surprise. She kept the souvenir with her as we didn’t get a chance to meet (for COVID reasons). In fact, we planned to meet up in February 2020 and she would personally give me the AirPod case. Fate intervened and I had to return to Australia earlier than expected to study before lockdown started. She promised to keep the souvenir safe and wait for me in Hong Kong. I never imagined that I would never see her again and that we had already said our last goodbye.
Alison: This souvenir must mean so much to you. It also further proves Karen’s kindness. She didn’t have to get the case for you, but she did it anyway. It’s the extra step she takes that makes her such an exceptional person. I’m sorry she didn’t get to give you the case in person. Speaking of plans that never came to be, Karen said she would visit and travel with us in Australia, attend our graduation ceremonies, and take tons of pics to document these moments. I guess we can only fulfil this dream by ourselves, and hope that she is with us, experiencing it.
Anson: I feel the same. Thinking back on these unfulfillable plans and dreams, there is so much more to mourn for. Unlike other goals in life, which we can work hard for and in time, we should be able to achieve them. But for these promises that we made, there is no way to actualise them.
Alison: Yes, it’s so sad…
Referring back to the souvenir, did you end up getting it back?
Anson: Yes, I did. Knowing that her body clock was ticking, Karen asked Natalie to help mail the case to me, along with a letter written by Karen herself. But by the time I received it, Karen’s not here anymore. Can you imagine reading this letter? I was thinking how surreal it was to read a letter from someone who had already passed on, it felt like a movie scene. We both know how beautiful her handwriting was, like the carpe diem she wrote on the board in Form 4, but her writing on the letter was slanted, and looked like a shadow of her previous cursive style. I knew Karen must have struggled a lot, given the side effects of her chemotherapy, her fingers had almost no strength, but she insisted on writing a letter personally. She even apologised for the ‘poor’ handwriting. While the writing may have felt imperfect to her, the value of this letter outweighed the so-called flaw.
Alison: I’m so sorry. It must have been hard for the both of you. Karen could barely type, let alone pick up a pen and write. Her doing so only proves how much she loves you, and that she will always show it no matter what. And I can’t begin to imagine how you felt when you read the letter, especially given the unfortunate timing of receiving it. But I reckon this letter will always be a symbol of her love, and it will always be here to remind you of it, along with the souvenir and everything else she has given you.
Anson: Yes, I’m sure they are. I kept her letter safe and can’t bear to use the souvenir as I know I will never get a chance to receive anything from her now.
Recalling the good days and the bad – Anson and Natalie’s journey with Karen
Alison: Could you tell me about some of the good days you both had with Karen?
Anson: There were actually a lot. Being able to spend time with her already made me very happy. I would consider my 24/7 Zoom sessions with Karen and Natalie as my favourite moments, we would set an alarm for 7am so we could chat while she was having breakfast prior to her treatments, we even had our call on during my classes at university! We would talk about random things and crack jokes to accompany Karen, knowing that she would be lonely and bored at home. We even had Zoom lessons together! Despite the great pain she endured over the past year, she still persisted to finish her masters. At times, the medications were too heavy, and the side effects dampened her energy. When her doctor increased the dosage, Karen was always tired, so she struggled to finish her readings. On our calls, Nat and I would see Karen looking very drowsy. Her eyes would close and she might fall asleep for a while, but she would always try to stay awake and push through. Karen truly was a fighter.
Alison: Absolutely! Once she was committed to something, she would always persist until she finished it. Even the harsh treatment process couldn’t stop her.
Anson: Karen also sent us photos of her makeup collection to teach us how to put on makeup. During our calls, we would also play with these funny filters, it was silly but it was really helpful during those stressful days. The three of us even had matching earrings and pajamas too, and we would wear them to symbolise how we are always close at heart even though we are physically miles apart. Natalie and I knew that we couldn’t be by her side most of the time, so we bought 2 bunnies (Jellycat toys) that represented us, to keep her company. Karen named them “Ching Ching” and “Kar Kar” (the two characters of her Chinese name). She also made her first ever post about us too. And Karen always made future plans with us, like going on trips and taking studio photos. We couldn’t wait for them to actualise, so we prayed hard for her recovery.
Practically, Karen had to take a lot of medication, and most of the pills were of a similar shape and size. We were afraid that she would forget to take the right medicine on time, so we made her a personalised medication schedule. From March 2021, we (via Zoom for me) would also accompany Karen to almost all follow-up medical appointments, as well as the MRI and PET scans. One time, we even witnessed the first miracle ever in our lives – Karen’s heart tumour completely disappeared! (We were the first ones to know.) No words could possibly describe our feelings, our tears rolled down at once upon witnessing this miracle from the doctor. Our emotions were mixed, touched and surreal, I guess.
Natalie: Therefore, Anson and I would try to think of little surprises to cheer her up, hoping that she’ll continue to have the energy to fight on and be cancer-free one day! Each time we saw Karen’s face light up, our hearts were full. One time, we found two Hong Kong artists (Joey Yung and Sammi Cheng) whom Karen admired, to reach out and send her support and encouragement. We also found Father Michael, a priest from India to conduct a special healing session for her. What’s more, Karen would send us photos of her prayer book and we would pray and attend masses together. We basically said good morning and sent goodnight kisses every day. She was the first person we saw when we woke up, and the last before we slept. Even though we could not share a lot of life’s big events together, these trivial, simple moments were the most precious and valuable ones that I will always cherish.
Alison: I’m so happy to hear about these. They must have given all three of you hope during the tough times, and more importantly, they gave Karen the strength to carry on.
Anson: Yes. You know, every time we said goodbye on the phone, Karen would ask us to hang up first and she would be the last to leave. We didn’t understand it at first – why couldn’t we all hang up at the same time? Later on we learned that it was a symbolic gesture, Karen wanted to watch over us, making sure we logged off ‘safely’. She would always protect us. Ironically, she was the first one to leave in real life…
Karen really loved us so much. Our sisterhood may seem like a fairytale to many, but in fact, there were times when we were misunderstood. I vividly remember that on 11 March, we suddenly received a WhatsApp message from her, saying “Muimuis, look at my new Whatsapp profile picture!”, in addition to a series of her favourite stickers as usual. We wondered why she was on cloud nine, then we saw that her new profile photo was a picture of the flowers we had gifted her the last time we visited. We were shocked. Her former profile photo was one of herself, dressed as a lawyer in her chambers. We never expected that one day, she would replace that photo, representing her role as a lawyer, the one thing that everyone associated her with.
Natalie: What’s more, a few minutes later, she did the same on her Facebook account. We immediately asked her why, and she said, “I want to let the world know that you both are my chosen muimuis, and how much I love you both.” She said some people were questioning why the three of us had become this close, so she wanted to prove how much she loved us.
Alison: Aw, that’s really sweet! And honestly, you don’t have to explain to anyone why you got close. I can’t imagine anyone else being Karen’s muimuis.
I know the journey also had its tougher moments. If you are willing to, could you both share about some of the bad days as well?
Anson: To be honest, this journey was not easy at all. It was like a rollercoaster ride, with unexpected ups and downs; we never knew what would happen the next day. I have to say, Karen’s daily condition was the determinant of our emotions. We were scared of the inevitable every single day. Natalie and I didn’t know how to handle the situation and getting so close with a person who was diminishing. So honestly speaking, we once considered distancing ourselves from Karen upon learning the daunting news that her body clock was ticking, but we just couldn’t leave her alone. When someone is so vulnerable yet still chooses to open up to you, you won’t have the heart to just withdraw from her. I guess sympathy just kicked in real hard, so we chose to stay and walk with her till the end. And I’m glad we did.
Natalie: Yes, at the time, Karen trusted us so much, she updated us with every little detail and news no matter how positive or negative. We should’ve comforted her for the bad news, but we couldn’t help but cry in front of her. We then searched online to see how we could better help a cancer patient, and found that the biggest ‘don’t’ is crying in front of them. Deep down, we already knew it, but we couldn’t suppress our emotions. Anson and I thought we were both useless for not being able to stay strong for Karen.
Alison: Nonsense! It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction, it would be crazy to expect this from you and Anson. Karen knows it too.
Natalie: Yes, Karen was so understanding.
There was another episode, one that I will never be able to forget. On 19 April, I accompanied Karen to her usual follow-up medical appointment. That was the day I learned the most horrifying news – that her body was deteriorating unexpectedly fast. We heard the news in a cold consultation room, where I went into a deep shock, my hands were so cold. I was sitting behind Karen, and she looked back and saw me shivering. She didn’t utter a word but just held my hands tightly. It was a gesture of comforting me and leaning on me for support, as I could tell she was in great shock, too. Soon after that, we left the consultation room and waited to collect the medication. At that point, I couldn’t control myself. My mind was trying so hard to process and digest the news, but I was freaked out to the extent that I uncontrollably burst into tears. I knew I wasn’t supposed to do so, when Karen hadn’t even shed a tear in front of me (and the fact I was in a public setting and everyone was staring). I knew she was staying strong for me, even though the news was about herself! Karen even comforted me and said, “don’t worry muimui, I’ll be fine and well in no time!” What hurt even more – as it made the situation even more real – was when she turned to her mum (who was also at the consultation) and me, and told us to take good care of each other if anything should happen to her. Upon hearing that, I cried even harder.
Anson: I totally feel you… When I received the news, I literally dropped my phone in shock, I’m not joking. I remember our call that night, we both cried uncontrollably. Honestly, we should’ve been stronger, but Karen apologised the next day, saying the news was too heavy for us to bear, that we were too young to handle it. She said she could have protected us better. I doubt we will ever find another soul as kind as her in this world.
Alison: I’m really sorry you had to go through this. Karen’s right that the news is a terrible burden to bear, and you are both still young. Experiencing this must have made a profound impact on you, and it will follow you for the rest of your life. But I reckon the biggest takeaway from this incident is Karen’s attitude. She set an example of strength, endurance and kindness. I hope that you will both heal in time, and face adversity with the same spirit as Karen did.
Also, I’m not surprised that Karen apologised, even though she had nothing to be sorry for. She would wish the best upon everyone, even at her own expense. I remember Karen telling me about her treatment sometime in July 2020, and how tough it was. I said, ‘I wish I could take away the discomfort for you’, and she replied, ‘Aiyaaaa darling 唔好呀 [no], it’s really nasty and I wish no one gets it. I pray it’ll miraculously disappear or make its grand exit to the black hole asap’. Seeing the message really broke my heart, but it also made me love her even more, she’s an angel.
Anson: Yes… Karen was truly an angel with a heart of gold. I remember you telling me about this. My first thought was that any normal person would want someone else to help share the burden, but Karen would never wish for this as she wouldn’t want anyone else to feel the same pain. Even at this stage, she would still bless others and pray for them, hoping they would not have to endure the same hardship.
Thinking back on all these memories, I’m still glad we chose to openly talk about the news, so we all knew how much we loved each other. Yet, no matter how prepared we were, we were never truly ready for the news, despite knowing that the day would come. During the times we broke down, Karen even comforted us (which should’ve been the other way around) and said if the inevitable was to come, she would watch over us from above. But we said if she was meant to go into a deep sleep, we would hold her hands (one on each side) and whisper in her ears to wake her up. Karen even said “please kiss me and wake me up. I don’t want to sleep for so long ah!” That was really bittersweet.
We also asked repeatedly why she never cried in front of us, then we realized that she would always put others before herself, that’s why she didn’t want to show her vulnerability. Karen put on a brave face so that we wouldn’t feel worse. But I’m also thankful for Karen’s trust, she did cry in front of us at times when there seemed to be no way out, when she was feeling helpless. Despite this, Karen still said, ‘I promise you both that I will be around for a very long while. See you grad, see your partner, be there at your wedding, and be here next to you both for all important life events.’ I pictured the scenario, but I knew at the same time that it was unlikely. Karen even said, ‘Who else on this planet will choose to carry this super insane cross with me? It’s just you two, that’s why I will work even harder to recover soon so that I can protect you both.’ She always said we were her personal pacemaker, there to pacify and steady her nerves at times of distress. But sometimes I wonder if she was our true pacemaker instead.
Natalie: Another bad day was when Karen couldn’t fall asleep. She experienced a sudden panic attack one night, at around 11pm in Hong Kong, and called us. When we picked up, she looked really different. She was breathless and she said her heart was beating really fast. Karen thought she didn’t have enough oxygen, but she was already on oxygen supply. We tried to calm her down and get her family to check her vitals. Everything appeared normal, so Anson and I recognised this as a psychological effect. We taught her some breathing exercises, which worked for a while, but Karen started to panic again shortly after. We asked if she knew what she was scared of, and she said she didn’t know at first. After a short while, she said she didn’t want to close her eyes as the blackness she saw was terrifying. Anson and I both knew at the time what Karen was implying. We promised that we would only sleep after she fell asleep, so we could watch over her. Karen closed her eyes, but she would open them and check from time to time to see if we were still there. That’s when we knew how much she needed us. We ended up staying awake all night, even though Anson and I still had school the next day. We broke our personal record of not sleeping for a total of 48 hours.
Alison: You two are angels, truly heaven sent. I can’t thank you enough for taking such good care of Karen and being there for her when she needed you the most. I’m sorry she had to go through these unsettling nights as well, and every other hardship she faced over the past year. I guess her passing is somewhat of a consolation, knowing that she has been liberated from earthly pain.
Anson: Thank you, others also responded similarly. But if we were to choose again, we would pull more all-nighters and stay up for another 48 hours, or perhaps even more, if it meant that we could spend more time with Karen.
There was also one time when Karen was in so much pain that she lost her mood and appetite. Knowing that her body was deteriorating, something as common and easy as eating became inexplicably challenging for Karen. She felt uncomfortable in all positions, whether sitting still or lying down. No food in the world would appeal to her, so Natalie and I coaxed her to eat. We arranged a small surprise by asking Karen’s partner, Chung, to join the call and help encourage her to eat. Karen eventually did and we were all glad and relieved.
Natalie: Yes, speaking of these small surprises, we also got Chung to meet up with Karen and escort her home whenever she went out. Even though these were minor surprises, Karen was so happy every time. She even took screenshots of these joyful moments (Karen and her partner in one screen, me and Anson in the other two).
Alison: The three of you brought so much sunshine to these dark days for Karen.
Natalie: It was the least we could do. As the days went by, Karen’s body clock was ticking, so we were just trying our best to support her and cheer her up. She spent her last days in hospital, but I’m glad I managed to visit her, to see her one last time. As I stepped into her room, I saw her lying weakly in her bed, half-conscious, and her face was very pale. I ran to her immediately and gave her a big hug, and she held my hands tightly. She then suddenly whispered in my ears, “ha..a..p..py bir..th..day! Sor..ry….”. She was apologising for not being able to attend my Zoom birthday party, which she had promised to join. Tears welled up in my eyes and I tried so hard not to let them fall. Never have I imagined that even when Karen was so frail, with all those tubes connected to her body, she would still put others first. I still can’t believe she remembered my birthday even in such great pain.
Anson: Yes… Speaking of your birthday, I was just about to share another incident which shows how much she loved you, Nat. In fact, Karen and I have been planning your birthday celebration since early April. We browsed several websites and finally chose the most glamorous balloons and a birthday cake – earl grey, your favourite flavour. We were in the process of making a birthday video for you, including a compilation of short clips secretly filmed by your other close friends. Karen also promised to film one for you, but sadly, her body was very weak. I told her to forget about it, that Nat wishes for nothing but for you to get well. But Karen insisted on recording her part. She called me on 2 May. Her voice was really soft, her breathing weak, and she could barely talk. I could see how much she was struggling, but she still tried her best to record her blessings for you. I was heartbroken to see her in so much pain when she filmed her part, but I was also glad at the same time as I knew that this is the most precious birthday present, a sign of unconditional love, that you have ever received.
Natalie: Yes indeed, it’s something I’ll treasure for life. In fact, Karen, Chung and Anson prepared a Zoom birthday party a week before my birthday, when Karen and Chung were having a staycation. I felt happy but also weird at the same time, as if Karen had celebrated with me prior to leaving us. Knowing that Karen’s body was deteriorating, but not knowing how many days she had left, we cherished every single moment together. We chose to do something for her, such that even in her worst pain, she’d always be accompanied by sweet memories. During my last visit to the hospital, Chung, Anson and I “performed” for her. We chose her favourite song, and Chung and I sang beside her while Anson played the piano accompaniment on Zoom. Karen might not have been fully responsive, but she smiled and thanked us for bringing her so many fond memories. We then pinky promised that we will always recognise one another, even when we meet in heaven. This scene is forever etched in my brain, truly unforgettable.
Anson: Yes, totally. How I wished I could be there, to hug Karen and hold her hand like you did. It’s also weird how I never had the chance to be physically by her side during those 77 days when we walked with her. I vividly recall that when I finished playing the piano, Karen looked at the camera without uttering a word. She seemed to be looking for the words in mind and I tried to guess what she wanted to say. Then she suddenly brought her hand to her lips, and blew me a kiss as her last goodbye. I tried so hard to hold back tears as Nat and I had promised one another to stay strong and smile for her throughout the call. It was really, really difficult. At times, tears would escape and we would turn away from Karen, so she wouldn’t see. We tried our best to put on a brave face, but we felt like we were dying inside. We wanted Karen to remember our sweet faces and not have to worry about us.
Alison: I’m struggling to express how I feel after listening to your account… This memory is full of mixed and overwhelming emotions, and I must reiterate how strong you both are. I can’t begin to imagine Karen’s pain at the time, but I know for sure that the presence of you and Chung has added sweetness to all that bitterness. Thank you for walking with her till the end.
The comfort we have is that Karen is free from earthly pain, and is now resting peacefully. But how did you take the news? I wish you both the strength to cope, and carry on in life for her.
Anson: Remember when I said we used to Zoom 24/7 even when I had university classes? Karen’s body was deteriorating so fast that we couldn’t do it anymore. When I attended my usual practical class on 4 May, I received a notification on my phone. I glimpsed it briefly to see who messaged me, and saw that it was Karen’s mum. She sent us a WhatsApp message, “Karen is on the verge of death”. My brain instantly froze and I couldn’t take in anything from the class. My mind went blank and I couldn’t concentrate at all. I went straight to the bathroom and tried to calm myself down, but obviously I couldn’t. When class ended at about 2pm, instead of having lunch with my friends as usual, I headed straight home. I had no appetite for any food. All I remember was that Nat and I cried badly on the phone. Even after 9 May, I had not fully administered the feeling that Karen was gone. It was not until the vigil service on 31 May that my mind registered that Karen is no longer here. It just felt so weird seeing her photo framed at the vigil, knowing that her body lay in a coffin. It was like all those signs forced me to confront reality.
Natalie: Same here, as soon as I arrived at the venue, I went into the room to see her for the last time. And as expected, I cried uncontrollably. I had pictured this scene a zillion times in my mind, but when it actually happened, I could not process it. I told Karen I had “brought” Anson with me that night, and told her not to worry about us, that we will take good care of ourselves and try our best to stay strong, despite the fact that we miss her terribly.
Alison: It must have been so hard. I hope it’s a ‘see you again’ instead of a final goodbye. Let’s keep living life following Karen’s example and make her proud. One day, perhaps we will all reunite and be together forever.
Anson: I also wanted to thank you, Alison, for being there with me through these hard times. I remember us crying at the vigil, and hugging and comforting each other. If it wasn’t your company, I doubt if I would have the courage to stay for the rest of the vigil. To be honest, the service was so heartbreaking to witness. I felt like my heart was torn apart.
Alison: Thank you for being there for me too. You’re right that the vigil service was heartbreaking, and seeing her coffin being rolled out… That was the worst part for me.
[I was at Anson’s apartment, and we attended the service (which was held in Hong Kong) on Zoom.]
Anson: Nevertheless, I am fortunate to have you here with me in Sydney, and even now, we can still talk about Karen. I thought we would both be terrified of this process, but we really started to enjoy writing this post, as I can feel Karen with us when we reminisce.
I still find it a bit weird at times. It’s like when you interview someone, you’d normally interview the person him/herself and you kind of look forward to another chance to speak again. But now, it’s like we all are speaking on behalf of Karen, and that we seem to have told the whole story (other interviews may not have a defined end, I suppose).
Alison: That is so true. You know I was actually going to interview Karen about her career journey, but never got around to. Having to talk about her after her passing is difficult, but I’m glad we have the opportunity to commemorate and appreciate her. Thank you both for doing this interview with me, it seems as if we are keeping her alive in a way. Her life on Earth might have come to an end, but her spirit lives on and we will continue to live on for her.
It’s been over four months now, how are you feeling?
Anson: I’m feeling better compared to the worst days, but I also don’t know how to define ‘better’. We were so close at the time, Karen was a part of every moment of my life, so even something very minor reminds me of her. And when it does, I miss her even more. I don’t want to cry on the street and look like an idiot, so I try to conceal my emotions and I will leave till late at night before I sleep and ‘talk’ to her. At times, I cry silently in bed because I miss her so much. At the same time, I am thankful to have walked with her until the end. Cancer used to be a taboo for me, and seeing someone in a wheelchair with a headscarf after chemotherapy would give me a sense of helplessness. I couldn’t believe that I actually became such a close companion to someone battling cancer.
The past 77 days may seem short, but the brevity of the period does not define our sisterhood. This experience taught me what it is like to love someone unconditionally. I’m also grateful for all the support we received throughout the journey, from my family and friends, former teachers, Chung, and many of Karen’s close friends. We may not have known each other for long, but their support was unconditional and immense. I also learned a hard lesson about death, and now I kind of know how to live with the fact that a loved one is gone (I hope). I believe Karen also lives in our hearts. She wouldn’t want to see us cry, so I will work hard to follow in her footsteps, wear a big smile and keep living. I know I will be able to achieve it in time. And even now, Natalie, Chung and I are still supporting and looking after one another on behalf of Karen. I’m sure she’ll be happy seeing us from above.
Natalie: Yes, I feel the same as well.
Alison: Thank you for being so candid, I know it isn’t easy to articulate these feelings. I guess parting from a loved one is something every person is bound to go through in life, it’s also something one will never recover from, not entirely. But I’m sure that as you go on, you’ll always carry a part of Karen with you and make her proud.
Anson: You spoke my mind. And the same goes to you, you’ve known Karen for so long, from a mentor to a close friend, I know you are going through the same. But I’m really glad to see you keep her spirit alive, such as when I tell you I miss her, you reassure me that Karen’s watching over me. You said you use present tense deliberately because it means that Karen will always be here. So, I wanted to say to you that Karen must be watching over you as well at any time and anywhere, and she must be happy to see you carrying on her legacy.
Epilogue
Alison: What would you like to say to Karen, if you had another chance?
Anson: In fact, I have a lot to say but I don’t know where to start… I’ve been constantly asking myself the same question for months and I even tried typing my messages and thoughts to her in our WhatsApp or Instagram private chats but I’ve already lost count of the times I pressed backspace and returned to my home screen as if nothing had happened. I still don’t know if I was trying to escape from the fact that I would never be able to see the green circle again (indicating that she is online or active) and the old days when I anticipated her responses by seeing her ‘typing’. But I really miss her, like a lot. It took me a while to think about what I would say, and the following are some thoughts that just popped up in my mind. I know they will not cover everything, because there’s simply so much I’d like to say.
‘Karen (Gajeh-sister pronounced in Cantonese), I just wanted to say thank you for being the kindest soul I’ve ever met. Thank you for choosing Nat and I to be your muimuis, to walk with you during your last days. You always said we went extra miles to cheer you up, but it was you who taught me how to love someone unconditionally. You loved selflessly, even amid the cruelty and mundane in life. You taught me to be humble, even when we scaled new heights with our achievements. You reminded me not to boast because one’s strengths and talents will eventually be recognised by others if we stay true and kind. Thanks for loving me to the moon and back, always. I may not have had the chance to tell you this, but deep down in my heart, I have always looked up to you – your radiating charisma, your positive life values and more importantly, your passion and love for everyone around you. I am so proud to have you as my gajeh.
I have always aspired to be a physiotherapist. Seeing how people make daily improvements and regain their mobility inspired me to help more people do the same. But the process of getting there is never easy. I remember sharing with you how it took years of hard work to actualise my dream, and you said you were proud of me. I would never have thought of achieving more if it weren’t for you, who granted me the courage to undertake a challenging research programme. I deliberately chose the topic of Falls Experienced by Cancer Survivors, to see the scope of contribution that physiotherapy can make on fall prevention, as a gift to you. I recall the many times you said you’d walk with me through the programme. Even though you cannot do it anymore, I’m sure you are accompanying me from above. I will work hard on the programme, and I can’t wait to read it aloud and share it with you upon completion.
Since the day you left, I came across many patients during my placement. Some oncologic patients were going through an experience similar to yours, and I would immediately think of you. I would recall the times I taught you how to walk again, and how eager I was to see you recover. Even though you are not here anymore, your voice and smile are always echoing in my mind, supporting me. Thinking of you gives me the motivation I need to continue to serve in this profession.
In mid-June, I attended my final practical exam of the semester. I remember when I had my first exam in April, you were there to cheer me on via Zoom. When I was walking toward the building to take the final exam, your encouraging voice echoed in my head. Coincidentally, I looked up and saw a rainbow, drawn across a clear, bright sky. I stared at it and felt a great sense of comfort. As I stepped into the building, the rainbow faded. I knew it was you, supporting me from above. And in the end, it turned out that I did the best for this unit out of all my university subjects that semester.
Gajeh, thank you for making it so hard to say goodbye, but I know we will meet again someday, at the eternal place where we all call home. Remember our pinky promise? Don’t worry about me, I will continue to work hard like you. Nat and I will also take good care of one another. If you were still here, we know how much you’ll love and spoil us. Now that you’re not here anymore, I will take care of Nat on your behalf, despite the fact that I’m not the best and I know it’ll never be the same. I shall always wear your signature smile on my face and try my best to learn from you in every single aspect. I miss you so, so much, and I hope you’re enjoying your new chapter of life up there. I hope that one day, you’ll be proud of me, too.’
Alison: Thank you for your beautiful letter. I’m sure Karen misses you and is incredibly proud of you. You have sacrificed so much for her as well, demonstrating the same selfless quality that she had.
Anson: Thank you for your kind words. I know I can’t be compared to her; her love just went beyond measure for everyone, whether they were close with her or someone she barely knew.
Alison: What about you, Nat? What would you like to say to her if you had another chance?
Natalie: It took me a while to think… I guess I would say,
‘Karen (Gajeh – sister pronounced in Cantonese), thank you for choosing me and Anson to be your muimuis during the toughest days of your life. For years, you have taught countless students, many of whom were so much closer to you. Neither of us was in the mock trial nor English debating teams, and yet we became like family, and you chose to walk with us until the end.
I just want to let you know that it was you who made me a better version of myself. You taught me to seize every opportunity and to try everything despite not knowing if we will succeed. You taught me to be humble even when we achieve great things in life. Seeing how you persisted even in great pain, to continue with your masters degree and aspire to scale new heights, your perseverance amazed me. I am so proud to call you gajeh. You showed so many good qualities. I shall work hard to learn and develop them within. I never told you this, but I used to be a timid and shy girl who never really spoke up in front of others. But it was you who told me there’s nothing to be afraid of, so now I have courage, and have become more outspoken. You really changed me for the better.
Ever since you left, I have faced dilemmas when it comes to trying something new or taking up a challenge. But I would immediately think of you and felt sure that if you were still here, you would encourage me to go for it. Thinking of what you would have said helped me become less fearful, and encouraged me to experience more.
When you were still with us, you would always apologise that we had to face life and death at such a young age. But even if I had a chance to rewrite our story, I wouldn’t change a thing. Remember when we asked you what were your 3 biggest wishes in life? You said that one of them was to have us, your muimuis, always stay happy, healthy and blessed. I miss you so much, but we are taking good care of ourselves to make your wish come true. I’m sure you must be happy to see us from above, and I promise that I will continue to work hard and learn from you, and I hope you will witness my growth and be proud of us.
Very recently, I went to Disneyland again with my friends. It felt weird because you were with me the last time I was at Disneyland. We even reserved a space for Anson when we took a photo, promising each other that the three of us will visit Disneyland together in the future. Since we can’t fulfil the promise, the best we can do is to photoshop her in and imagine how good it would be if it was real. This time, me and my friends ‘brought’ you around Disneyland, and took a photo against a stunning sky. As we were taking that photo, the theme park started to play Remember Me (from the Pixar movie Coco). This song was released in 2017, but it was the first time I heard it at Disneyland. We instantly knew that it was you, sending us a message from above.’
Yes, these are some of my words. What about you, Alison?
Alison: There’s a great deal I want to say, but ironically, it’s difficult to be put into words. I guess one of the things I would say first is ‘thank you’. I can’t thank her enough for guiding me when I needed advice, comforting me when I was down, pushing me to realise my potential, sharing her secrets with me and seeking my advice in return. She was the only teacher I called a friend. I miss her every day and I wish we had more time.
Karen is a beautiful, radiant, selfless, and wise individual. I have so much to learn from her, and I know well that she will never hesitate to teach. I still question why she had to go through this ordeal and why she had to leave so soon. I just hope that her soul is still here, albeit in a different place, where she can watch over us, see her students grow and flourish, and witness her everlasting light accompany us until the day we reunite. I want her to know that she continues to be our inspiration, a warrior with superhuman resilience and capacity to love. I want her to know that she is loved and appreciated by so, so many people; that her memory will always be cherished, and her praises proudly sung.
Anson: Everything you said is so true. I believe that Karen must be proud of you, and each one of us, and one day we will use our different talents to repay her efforts and unleash our potential. I also hope that Karen can see this blog post from heaven, and I believe she will.
Alison: I hope so as well. I really enjoyed this interview with you and Natalie, thank you for being a part of it and keeping Karen’s spirit alive.
Anson: Thank you for having us, I never thought this process would have healed some of the wounds in my heart and I hope that it has done the same for you. Hopefully we can explore Australia and bring Karen with us after Covid!
Alison: It definitely did. Listening to both of you share about this experience and having a chance to speak about it myself helped me heal as well. Karen’s presence lives on, not just in us, but in everyone she has ever met and loved.
Thank you for reading up to this point. If you wish to support Karen’s dance with sarcoma, her Instagram account is always accessible at @dancingwithsarcoma. If you ever share the same experience (whether having to battle cancer or losing someone you love), may the above account inspire you to keep your head high, keep smiling, and keep fighting. If you know someone who is ‘dancing’ with cancer, try to offer them as much support as you can. They have never needed you more. Don’t underestimate the little things that you can do – send a message, make a call, mail a gift, pay a visit – anything you do gives them extra hope to keep going. Above all, don’t let the opportunity slip through your fingers. Time is of the essence.
The Instagram account shared by Karen, Anson and Natalie. You will find some letters that Anson and Natalie have dedicated to Karen after 9 May, and compilations of precious moments that the three sisters shared.
Karen’s website, which includes some general secondary information on sarcoma, and a page of dedications made by some former and current students.
Anson’s personal Instagram account, where she posted more details and memories of her sisterhood with Karen and Natalie.
Natalie’s personal Instagram account, which documents additional key moments with Karen and Anson.
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